IKEA...Furniture store? or Satan's Portal to Hell?

I thoroughly can't understand why people jizz themselves over this place. If I could create the worst place to visit on Earth it would undoubtedly be IKEA. Now I know what you're thinking "CT what about Haiti after the earthquakes or Japan during the tsunami or Florida in September when those love bugs are fucking all over the place?" And those seem like some pretty bad places. But I'm still going with IKEA on the weekend.

As a guy I usually go into a store knowing exactly what I want, I grab it, then leave. This place had the great idea of forcing you to go through a maze of rooms full of shit you don't need. Ooooo look at me! I'm what you're living room could look like if you bought all your shit from IKEA! Look at this bedroom! I know you just want a dresser, and will never buy this bed frame, but look at it! Then they have the nerve of giving you "shortcuts". Those aren't shortcuts. They aren't faster. They are just different routes to show me your wack inventory.

(Probably the store in Stoughton, MA)

The next reason this place makes me want to wrap my dick around my neck until I pass out is because of the customers. Nobody can just come to this store alone. They have to bring their spouse. Then there is nobody to watch the kids so they have to bring them. Then I'd say a good 50% of poeple bring some variation of their extended family with them. As if their choice of curtains are just so important they need 3 more fucking opinions. Now, the kids wouldn't bother me as much if I didn't step on a crying child once every five steps. They aren't happy people, and leaving them home alone might be safer because as I travel further through that shit hole my steps slowly turn to stomps. The people working there just crowd around the computers which creates little pockets of people in the middle of the walkway. There is a guaranteed personal space invasion from some stranger who doesn't know how to put down the Twinkies. And I don't want to have to drive around looking for a parking spot at a fucking furniture store!!

The onnnllyyy good thing about this place is the smell of Cinnabon when you walk in. But that's it. Literally nothing else is good. I have never bought anything from this store because from the second I hit the sales floor I am looking for the way out. So if anybody who is affiliated with IKEA is reading this I would like to tell you...

(Only time I wish I was Chinese so this video would fit better. Nope, changed my mind, I'm cool.)